This week, my entire philosophy of parenting has been challenged by the actions of a five-year-old. If you know me at all, you know that when it comes to my husband and our children, I am fiercely protective, ready to strike at anyone or anything that even remotely comes close to harming them or hurting their feelings. That's my instinct. You probably have it, too. I fight it almost every day and with much help from the Lord, I usually manage to release it to Him and keep my tongue at bay. My thoughts, on the other hand, aren't always as bridled. (That, by the way, is sin in my life, help me, Jesus.)
It was a simple conversation, and probably much more innocent than I've made it out to be, but my sweet little four-year-old simply asked a question to her five-year-old friend: "Do you like my pretty sweater?" The little girl's response -- nothing but a sneer. This little girl in all likelihood meant nothing condescending, and probably was only doing to our Erin what had been done to her by another or what she had seen an adult in her life do. She really does have a sweet heart and is a well-behaved child. So why did this interaction cause me to examine my entire philosophy for our family? Well, that's complicated, but I'll try to explain.
Erin's sweater was a hand-me-down, as are most of the items in her, Bodie's, and my wardrobes. My precious daughter happily and proudly donned her "new" hand-me-down sweater (which we are very grateful for and WAS very cute) and was met with the condescending glance of her friend. And even though my little girl doesn't have the understanding now of what happened, some day she will. I experienced it as a kid. You probably did too. And sometimes the greatest fights we face as parents is that desire to protect our children from the hurts we experienced growing up.
See, Joe and I have made very deliberate decisions regarding our careers in relation to the upbringing of our children, and it is clear that our children will have to live with the decisions we make as parents and in turn possibly face the condemnation of others because of them. Who knew it would start at age four? As I've re-evaluated our philosophy for our family, the Lord has ministered to my heart and has reconciled a huge struggle and insecurity within me, and this is what I've discovered. It's not about me. It's not about Erin. It's not about an outfit. If my genuine desire for our family is that one day our children will live in obedience and surrender to the Lords call on their lives, we can't raise them to experience that people or stuff will make them happy. If Joe and I desire children who appreciate a good, hard day's work and who are sensitive to try to meet the needs of others, it's not our job to fill their lives with the false securities of worldy acceptance and financial gluttony. As parents we have to be prepared that for our children to truly live godly lives in Christ Jesus, they will suffer persecution. It's not my job to shield them from hurt feelings if it means sacrificing a lifelong lesson that God is their provider, comforter, and sustainer. It is my responsibility to teach our children about eternity rather than gushing over their bling-bling. And when it all comes right down to it, I would rather minister to a child whose clothes were rejected than to try to retrain the heart of the child who rejected another because of her clothes.
The Bible tells us that He is able to do for us exceedingly, abundantly more than we can even ask or think in Christ Jesus (Eph. 3:20). That's what I want our children to see in us! That's the kind of faith I want them some day to live out themselves! That just doesn't jive with getting my needs met by giving my kids "stuff" or my daughter's outfit being complimented. Rather, it is to appreciate that real treasure is found when our children find treasure in the Father and when they recognize that every good gift is from Above (James 1:17).
Thank You, Jesus, for Your provision in our lives. Thank You for our children. Help us to raise them to know Your love and to love You because You first loved them. Help us to raise our children to be content solely by Your side. And thank You, Lord, today especially, for hand-me-downs; You've taught me so much through them. In Jesus Name, Amen.
